The Closer We Get

Moving to Virginia has been an unexpectedly hard adjustment for me.  Moving's always hard, right?  Yes, but when you're in the military, you just kind of forget that part and go with it....even if you lived seven years in one place.  I've been "walking in the desert" since we moved here in a lot of ways (if I can use that expression without sounding dramatic).  But....it never felt without purpose.  I have felt close to God (most of the time) and felt that He was leading me through the desert....just Him and me....for a reason(s).  I've gotten a lot of clarity in the last couple weeks.  It's thrilling and terrifying all at the same time when you feel quite certain you've "heard" from God.  The very next question is, "Will I obey?"

My three "life-changers" came all at once during my quiet time, just two weeks ago tomorrow, I believe (without looking in my journal).  The first, join Noonday Collection.  If you don't know about Noonday, you should.  Look 'em up.  Their story is inspiring and it just happens to line up with my heart....exactly.  So I responded pretty quickly (God even gave me three purposes for any money I might earn) and I have an interview next Wednesday.  Excited.  Nervous.  Excited.  My heart's desire the last couple years has been to have more of a global impact with my life.  I know too much about the dire circumstances so many face that sitting in my house, taking care of my own, is no longer satisfying.  But....I feel completely called to be a stay-at-home mom.  How do I reconcile these?  Maybe Noonday is the answer (for now).

One of the things I want to use my earnings for is a yearly mission trip.  I'm tentatively planning to head to the Dominican this fall with Compassion International.  As part of the trip, I'll get to meet the darling seven year-old girl we've sponsored for the last four-ish years.  I'm already thinking that meeting just might change my life.

I'll share a couple more steps as I get closer to taking those.  Not quite sure how this will all take shape and feeling a little overwhelmed to be doing something new for the first time in many years....and then, several things at once?  God, I keep wondering, did I really hear you right?  I'm sure on a couple.  On the other, need to do some research.  I'm very mindful of "keeping the main thing, the main thing."

So the title of this post though to come full circle....the closer I get to following God, the more radically obedient I become, the more readily the attacks come.  We know that right, as Christians?  If we're running after God, Satan's gonna run after us.  Right?  But it's hard.  And wearing.  It's made me mindful, really distinctly mindful, of how the body should always be lifting each other in prayer and encouraging each other in word.  I commit to being better in this area.  So my point, what do you do when you feel totally thrilled and totally worn out when chasing after the one who's heart you adore?  I think, we keep running.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  (Heb 12:1-2)

I figure, even with my busted up hip that is quite literally keeping me from running (or really any exercise at all....boo), if I'm running with God, there ain't no way Satan's gonna catch me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  (Jer 29:11-13)

7

This cutie of mine turned 7 today.

I can't imagine life without him.

He has a zest for life that is unmatched by anyone I know.  He loves to have fun and loves to receive gifts, so birthdays are pretty special for him.  

He's bright, very bright, very intellectual, and often focused and driven regarding his interests, but he still kinda skips through his days.  He keeps things light and I so appreciate that about him.

He's a matter-of-fact, no nonsense kind of guy.  Love that about him.  No need to beat around the bush.

He's probably my most challenging child to parent, and yet, I have this shear love and admiration of who he is (so different from me).

I say it all the time, but I really would be just like him if I could be a kid again.

T, somehow, I still think of you as a little guy.  But 7's not so little anymore.  (Sigh.)

I can't wait to see what God has purposed you for.  It's gonna be amazing.  YOU are amazing.  

Happy, happy birthday.

Month 1, 2013

February 1st is here.  January is gone.  Lots of highs and lows (for me).  Mostly, it was full and busy.   We didn't spend much time relishing in a new month and year.  Ronnie left on January 2nd for a two-week TDY to Vegas.  It feels weird that he's gone back to our former home twice already in the two months he's lived here.  And sometimes, I feel a little jealous.  There are still so many things I miss about our life there, that I don't have here.  So along with single-parenting, it's emotionally challenging to have my husband in the place I still want to be.  (I NEVER thought I'd say that about Vegas!)  

Anyway, we got to business right away, just the kids and me.  First thing up, Clayton's first basketball game....ever.  While he was warming up, I took the littles out to the playground to burn off some energy.

Elena's so adventurous!  

LOVE Gaby's smile here.

Big sis was having no part of the bridge....until lil sis crossed it multiple times!  Oh the things they coax each other into.

Love him.  He's so handsome and fun.

Heading in to the gym after warm-ups.  He looks SO grown-up to me in this shot.

It's been fun to watch him learn and play and progress.  Lots of lessons, some about sports, some about life.  

Two cute spectators.

Another sweet onlooker.  Snacks kept everyone happy.

Love.

I think she thinks she was born in the 80's. ;)

One of two school projects we completed without Dad.  This was my favorite.  It was about the Appalachian Plateau region of VA.  Poster board turned into the shape of a coal car to represent the main industry of the region.  (His teacher's idea, but I loved it and it was super easy!)

Wink, wink!

Always cute!  She loves hats (and I love her in hats!)

More b-ball.  He's a little tall, eh?

Lunch time posing.  :)  (Elena just looks ready for a nap!)

And....SNOW!!  We didn't get much, maybe an inch and a half, but man, did we all have fun playing in it!  Thomas, always on a mission!  He was determined to shovel enough snow to build a snowman.  (It didn't happen.)

He still makes angels!

The big and the little.

Cheese!

Our house with snow.  Love it.

And our newest family member, sweet Bear.  Adopted with love from a rescue group on January 26th.  He's the perfect mix of loving and playful, super smart and so responsive to training.  Puppyhood has been remarkably easy so far.  We've been very diligent with his training.  He's only had one accident in the house in a week, is already crate -trained, and sits on command as of this evening.  So impressed.  

We all adore him....well, maybe not the girls yet.  Six months without a dog is a lifetime in Elena years and I think, a grandma's dog may have traumatized her a bit. :)  

Bear filled a hole in my heart that I didn't realize stayed after Boomer died six months ago.  I guess I'm a girl who needs a dog.  

So Close

God,

You are SO close!  I'm in awe.  I can't believe how many times you've spoken to me SO CLEARLY recently.  I feel like in a lot of ways, I'm walking through a desert time right now.  Life has been tough and my safety net removed since our move.  You've even let me be physically alone much of the past four months (well, physically alone from adult companionship).  (Isn't it funny how you can feel lonely even when you're never alone?!)

I don't think most people get where I'm at right now.  Where I feel like you've put me.  That's ok.  I so clearly sense YOU in my desert and I don't feel like you've left me here to wander.  And I so clearly, sense a PURPOSE for this time too.  A great and mighty purpose.  That burden that I've been carrying around....it's becoming more clearly defined and I believe, with all my heart, that my "desert" is a time of preparation and strengthening for the "next assignment" (and I don't mean, military assignment).

Here's where You got me today.  "Let Me bless you with My grace and Peace.  Open your heart and mind to receive all that I have for you.  Do not be ashamed of your emptiness.  Instead, view it as the optimal condition for being filled with My Peace.....Little by little, I will transform your weaknesses into strengths."  (From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

You always meet me in this book.  Almost audibly.  Man....I'm in awe.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

My prayer is that I continue to stay close to you.  I know we need fellowship, but sometimes, I think you take the fellowship of others away, so we can see straight to You.  Cling to You.  I'm clinging and You're receiving me and when everything else is stripped away, that's all that truly matters.

Love you so.

Here I Am

I know, it's been a long time.  I started a new post a couple weeks ago and never finished it.  I haven't felt much like myself since we moved....and that's okay.  It's a new season, and God wants to do something new.  I just haven't quite caught on yet.  But in my struggling, I am confident that He is always near to me and   always mindful, and always speaking.  In the words of a favorite Israel Houghton song, "I Am Not Forgotten."

I just read this....
Come to Me with your gaping emptiness, knowing that in Me you are complete.  As you rest quietly in My Presence, My Light within you grows brighter and brighter.  Facing that emptiness inside you is simply the prelude to being filled with my fullness.  Therefore, rejoice on those days when you drag yourself out of bed, feeling sluggish and inadequate.  Tell yourself that this is a perfect day to depend on Me in childlike trust.  If you persevere in this dependence as you go through the day, you will discover at bedtime that Joy and Peace have become your companions.  You my not realize at what point they joined you on your journey, but you will feel the beautiful effects of their presence.  The perfect end to such a day is doxology of gratitude.  I am He from whom all blessings flow!
(From my most favorite devotional ever, Jesus Calling)

Spoke to me in so many ways.  I've had a return of insomnia.  Sleeping issues are not new for me, but this is a whole new level.  Onslaught of health problems, constant varying levels of sickness.  Medication side effects that are often worse than the illness.  Missing the part of "me" that I left in Las Vegas.....my friends, my ministry, my church, my gym, my routine, my babysitters.  "Me" is a little part of my life at this season (and I'm so okay with that), but it's also very important.  Figuring out how to do life again in a new place after seven years in the old one, has been challenging.

But we've also had some great moments of joy.....Ronnie joining us after two months of separation, all the kids adjusting beautifully to the move, the boys running their first road race, going to Busch Gardens for the first time, living close to family for the first time since our marriage 13+ years ago.....there are many more.

And in all my lostness/emptiness, struggling to figure out how the families of those lost on Friday move forward.  Babies gone.  Breaks my heart.  I believe that there are 20 littles sitting at Jesus's feet because of this tragedy, but how do their families go on?  Life is dark.  And then, a relative who was in a near fatal car accident just over a day ago....but walked away without a scratch.  A guard rail, the only one around, happened to be in just the right place to protect from a 20 foot plunge.  God, once again, thank you for your protection.  You are everywhere, every moment.  I'm not feeling very holiday-ish this year.  My own struggles and others are clouding the joy.  But I'm hoping I'll walk away from the holidays this year with a renewed spirit that despite all life's hardships, big and small, we....not one of us....are ever forgotten.

Heart Treasure

A treasure for my heart for always....Clayton telling me yesterday (after a very difficult bus ride home)....and my ensuing action to protect one of my cubs...."Mom, I didn't know you were so brave."

My lesson....sometimes just doing the right thing, shows them bravery.  And makes them feel incredibly loved.

I often doubt myself.  Think we all probably do.  But sometimes, I do get it right.  And for those moments, even if they're few and far between, I am so grateful.  To be the Mom they need, at that critical moment....to get it right, at the right moment....on my knees, grateful.

Otters

I took the kids to the zoo today.  A zoo.  Funny.  Zoos are kind of a novel concept to my crew of desert dwellers.  The only zoo they've ever been to was the San Diego Zoo....yeah, like a six hour drive from Vegas....and they were each so young the two different times we were there, they don't really remember anything.  So this was kind of like their maiden voyage into zoo-ville.  It was fun!

These otters were my favorite.

:)