Today, we went back to the surgeon for a check-up. The arm is looking so, so good! They took x-rays again and everything is looking like it's in the right place and healing well and quickly. The doctor mentioned he sees a slight rotation, but he thinks it was the way the x-ray was taken and not actual rotation of the bone. We'll keep praying.
The plan is to take the cast off and remove the pins two weeks from today. Yay! He'll be back to normal just in time for Christmas! (And we've already planned to go get ice cream that day that he can hold and eat with his right hand!)
Hawkins Family
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Details
So to start off, never comment on how well your children are playing together. Last Sunday night, Ronnie and I were just finishing up dinner at the kitchen table. All three of the kiddos were done and were playing so well in the living room. I remember, we commented on this. They were a little wound up, but all three were laughing and having fun.
Then, we heard the screech. Not a bloody murder-type scream, just a high-pitched screech. We went running to the living room. From the kitchen table, you can't see into the living room, but it's just around the corner. Thomas is crying pretty hard. Ronnie is embracing him and telling me his elbow is dislocated. I said, "I don't know what to do!" He told me to get on the computer and look it up. I decided to call my mom. A former nurse, she's been a wealth of information over the years, and much faster than Google! Thomas calmed down within like 30 seconds (really fast!), and we told him to keep his arm still like a statue, so we could get him to the hospital. Ronnie carried him to the truck and off they went. I wanted to be with him, but it was close to Gaby's bedtime (plus I hate bringing healthy kids to a sick ER), and I wasn't sure my emotions could handle this one. I was glad he was content and comforted by Daddy.
Thomas was triaged very quickly and Ronnie was keeping me posted by text. Needless to say, after the x-ray, we knew we had a very bad break. (You could tell things weren't in the right place after the accident, but with a long-sleeve shirt on, we couldn't tell just how bad.) When Ronnie was told not to let him have anything to eat or drink, he knew we were likely looking at a surgical situation.
Turns out the break was at the elbow end of the humerus. A clean break. From the x-ray I saw later, his arm was basically in two pieces. Truly, one of the worst breaks I've ever seen. It was also right at the growth plate, so if the arm wasn't reset just right, it wouldn't grow at all or in the wrong direction. There's also a lot of nerves and blood vessels at the elbow joint, so not something to mess with. Thankfully, he never lost feeling in his hand and was able to wiggle his fingers.
Two orthopedic surgeons at the base hospital did not feel they were qualified to do the surgery, so Thomas and Ronnie were transported by ambulance to a hospital downtown with a pediatric orthopedic surgeon. The plan was to do surgery that night. Unfortunately, the hospital didn't have any available OR space at times the surgeon was available until 11:00 the next morning. T and I spent a long night at the hospital. I slept a total of 1.5 hours on and off. But I was running on adrenaline, so I didn't really notice until about two days later.
Lots of details....Ronnie was able to join us the next morning after getting Clay to school and Gaby settled with our sitter. (Victoria, we love you and are so grateful for you! I know I tell you that all the time, but you'll truly never know how much you mean to us, especially at a time like this.) The surgeon spoke with us prior to the surgery and of course, had to tell us all the things that could go wrong. I was feeling really confident up to this point, but now I got really nervous. Only two doctors in all our area would be willing and capable of doing this surgery and he explained that you can really never put an elbow back the way God made it. Scary. To think of it growing this way or that way or him losing all feeling....scary. Of course, he said he'd do his best and we believed him and I liked that he has a 4 1/2 year old of his own. Somehow, I felt like he'd relate to T more.
The post-surgery x-ray he brought to us about an hour or so later was beautiful. His arm was in one piece and his elbow looked like an elbow again. Amazing. I was so grateful. Felt like hugging this complete stranger, but I shook his hand instead. Four metal pins inserted from the outside into the bone to hold things in place and a full-arm cast to protect--that's what we got back with our precious kiddo in the recovery room.
He was crying hard when they brought us back to see him in recovery. The first time he cried since the fall the night before. The kid is seriously tough as nails! I kind of knew that about him, but still to weather this in the way he did, it was truly most impressive.
In the days after, I was talking with my mother-in-law and she asked how I was doing. I told her I was physically and emotionally exhausted, but spiritually, very high. Does that sound weird? Truly, I'm still in awe of how God worked out every single detail of this. After Ronnie and Thomas left for the hospital, Clayton and I began praying and one of the first things I prayed for was that Thomas would be hooked up with just the right doctor. When the doctors at the base declined to do the surgery, I was grateful. They could have proceeded ahead and done it. They said they could, they just weren't the best to do it. That was just the first answered prayer, followed by many many more, leading to the magnificent healing we've witnessed so far. Within 24 hours of the surgery, he was smiling a bit, and by day two, he was pretty much his old self. A miracle to this Mama.
Some photos follow. They were all taken by cell phone. The first couple are with Ronnie's phone and the later few, with mine, which clearly does not take very good photos. Wasn't thinking to pack the camera with me for the late-night rush to the hospital. He's been a dream patient and I'm just so honored to be his Mom.
Oh, two other things....yes, he's right-handed and depending on who you ask, he either just fell off the couch from a fort he started to make or according to Clay, he jumped off. Still, you'd have thought he fell from the sky with the severity of the injury. Crazy. Oh, this ride of parenthood.
Right after the IV was put in. He never cried!
Ambulance ride!
Sleeping. Awaiting surgery Monday morning.
Sleeping. Post-surgery.
Back home. Two days after surgery. Thumbs-up was all his idea! I love it!
First left-handed meal.
Thank you, all, for your love, support, and prayers. We are grateful.
God, I'm not sure how to thank you. I'm glad you can "read" my heart. You know. I love you.
Then, we heard the screech. Not a bloody murder-type scream, just a high-pitched screech. We went running to the living room. From the kitchen table, you can't see into the living room, but it's just around the corner. Thomas is crying pretty hard. Ronnie is embracing him and telling me his elbow is dislocated. I said, "I don't know what to do!" He told me to get on the computer and look it up. I decided to call my mom. A former nurse, she's been a wealth of information over the years, and much faster than Google! Thomas calmed down within like 30 seconds (really fast!), and we told him to keep his arm still like a statue, so we could get him to the hospital. Ronnie carried him to the truck and off they went. I wanted to be with him, but it was close to Gaby's bedtime (plus I hate bringing healthy kids to a sick ER), and I wasn't sure my emotions could handle this one. I was glad he was content and comforted by Daddy.
Thomas was triaged very quickly and Ronnie was keeping me posted by text. Needless to say, after the x-ray, we knew we had a very bad break. (You could tell things weren't in the right place after the accident, but with a long-sleeve shirt on, we couldn't tell just how bad.) When Ronnie was told not to let him have anything to eat or drink, he knew we were likely looking at a surgical situation.
Turns out the break was at the elbow end of the humerus. A clean break. From the x-ray I saw later, his arm was basically in two pieces. Truly, one of the worst breaks I've ever seen. It was also right at the growth plate, so if the arm wasn't reset just right, it wouldn't grow at all or in the wrong direction. There's also a lot of nerves and blood vessels at the elbow joint, so not something to mess with. Thankfully, he never lost feeling in his hand and was able to wiggle his fingers.
Two orthopedic surgeons at the base hospital did not feel they were qualified to do the surgery, so Thomas and Ronnie were transported by ambulance to a hospital downtown with a pediatric orthopedic surgeon. The plan was to do surgery that night. Unfortunately, the hospital didn't have any available OR space at times the surgeon was available until 11:00 the next morning. T and I spent a long night at the hospital. I slept a total of 1.5 hours on and off. But I was running on adrenaline, so I didn't really notice until about two days later.
Lots of details....Ronnie was able to join us the next morning after getting Clay to school and Gaby settled with our sitter. (Victoria, we love you and are so grateful for you! I know I tell you that all the time, but you'll truly never know how much you mean to us, especially at a time like this.) The surgeon spoke with us prior to the surgery and of course, had to tell us all the things that could go wrong. I was feeling really confident up to this point, but now I got really nervous. Only two doctors in all our area would be willing and capable of doing this surgery and he explained that you can really never put an elbow back the way God made it. Scary. To think of it growing this way or that way or him losing all feeling....scary. Of course, he said he'd do his best and we believed him and I liked that he has a 4 1/2 year old of his own. Somehow, I felt like he'd relate to T more.
The post-surgery x-ray he brought to us about an hour or so later was beautiful. His arm was in one piece and his elbow looked like an elbow again. Amazing. I was so grateful. Felt like hugging this complete stranger, but I shook his hand instead. Four metal pins inserted from the outside into the bone to hold things in place and a full-arm cast to protect--that's what we got back with our precious kiddo in the recovery room.
He was crying hard when they brought us back to see him in recovery. The first time he cried since the fall the night before. The kid is seriously tough as nails! I kind of knew that about him, but still to weather this in the way he did, it was truly most impressive.
In the days after, I was talking with my mother-in-law and she asked how I was doing. I told her I was physically and emotionally exhausted, but spiritually, very high. Does that sound weird? Truly, I'm still in awe of how God worked out every single detail of this. After Ronnie and Thomas left for the hospital, Clayton and I began praying and one of the first things I prayed for was that Thomas would be hooked up with just the right doctor. When the doctors at the base declined to do the surgery, I was grateful. They could have proceeded ahead and done it. They said they could, they just weren't the best to do it. That was just the first answered prayer, followed by many many more, leading to the magnificent healing we've witnessed so far. Within 24 hours of the surgery, he was smiling a bit, and by day two, he was pretty much his old self. A miracle to this Mama.
Some photos follow. They were all taken by cell phone. The first couple are with Ronnie's phone and the later few, with mine, which clearly does not take very good photos. Wasn't thinking to pack the camera with me for the late-night rush to the hospital. He's been a dream patient and I'm just so honored to be his Mom.
Oh, two other things....yes, he's right-handed and depending on who you ask, he either just fell off the couch from a fort he started to make or according to Clay, he jumped off. Still, you'd have thought he fell from the sky with the severity of the injury. Crazy. Oh, this ride of parenthood.
Right after the IV was put in. He never cried!
Ambulance ride!
Sleeping. Awaiting surgery Monday morning.
Sleeping. Post-surgery.
Back home. Two days after surgery. Thumbs-up was all his idea! I love it!
First left-handed meal.
Thank you, all, for your love, support, and prayers. We are grateful.
God, I'm not sure how to thank you. I'm glad you can "read" my heart. You know. I love you.
How Quickly Things Change
Big update coming tomorrow. I need some sleep. Still catching up from this past week. Last Sunday night at this time, I was waiting (with nerves on edge) for Ronnie's brother to arrive to stay with Clay and Gaby so I could head over to the hospital where Thomas was to undergo emergency surgery for a critical broken humerus (upper arm bone.) What we thought was just a dislocated elbow after a fall off the couch, turned into an emergency situation with a break right at the growth plate and lots of nerves and blood vessels to be concerned with as well. My goodness.
I will tell you, just a week later, he's doing well. Very well. Healing that seems just short of miraculous. More details and some precious pictures to follow tomorrow (hopefully!)
I will tell you, just a week later, he's doing well. Very well. Healing that seems just short of miraculous. More details and some precious pictures to follow tomorrow (hopefully!)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Thankful
Hey there, tiny unborn one. Just want you to know that I'm so thankful for you.
I love you and can't wait to meet you.
I love you and can't wait to meet you.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
On a Different Note
I decided when I began this blog that I was going to highlight our family's adventures here. I've missed some highs already and I don't usually talk about the lows. This is not an attempt to paint a picture of perfection in our household, I'm just not really comfortable putting everything out there for whomever may read this. I have chosen to talk, e-mail, call folks when I need their support and encouragement. Not right or wrong, just how I am.
But here's a confession. (The plan is that this will be therapeutic for me.) This last year, beginning in December of last year, has been the hardest of my life. And it wasn't the addition of a third child that brought this on. Gaby's arrival notched things up to an all-new level of busy, but not bad. I went through a personal devastation at the hands of someone I'm close to that sent my world spinning. I had a spiritual high during that first month, understanding things I never probably would have otherwise. (Like really getting that Jesus died to redeem us all. All the junk in our life. Nothing is beyond God. Nothing is beyond the cleansing blood of Jesus.) I knew that in my head, but don't think I'd been able to really process that in my heart. But most of the months that followed, have been the lowest for me emotionally and spiritually in my whole life. And every time I saw a glimmer of light and took one step forward, I felt like I was knocked back another 50. Not just the usual, one step forward, two back; but way, way back. Very hard, very draining. Exhausting. Frustrating. Confusing. Hard.
I've been reading a book called The Land Between. It's great and very much where I'm at and have been for the last year. I was able to sort of set my goal after reading the first couple chapters; to come out of this a better version of me. That's still my goal and I hope it always will be.
As I've gone through this, I have found myself wondering at times, am I under a spiritual attack or am I just complaining? Discontent with the pain, the disappointment, the feeling of being stuck. Am I rejecting God's will in my life by complaining? Ronnie has been a voice of reason and true love and help as I've walked through this darkness. (Like usual!) We've had some awesome conversations that have brought clarity to my head and heart. Last week, I was just beginning to see the tiniest glimmer of light. My heart felt a touch lighter. A tiny bit of relief from the heaviness. I was beginning to feel grateful; a little excited, a little bit more alive.
Then, on Saturday, I received an e-mail from a friend. This person has been a friend of mine for 15 years. This e-mail seemed to almost fall from the sky. I didn't expect this note at all. It said that I had dropped our friendship. That time and distance and busyness was no excuse for my behavior. "I just don't know what happened to you," she wrote. Wow. It really hurt. Felt like I was punched in the gut. Didn't see this coming at all. I immediately started questioning myself. Am I that person she described? I didn't feel like that person, but maybe. What about her responsibilities to the friendship? Deep down, I knew that what she said, that person she described, was not me.
Friendships do change with time and distance. Does that mean they need to end? Of course not. But I can't maintain a friendship with someone in the same way that I did in college when I didn't have a husband or children or a key role in a church ministry and the responsibilities that go with all of them. I did mess something up with her. I'm big enough to confess that and I apologized for it a while back. It appears my apology was not accepted and I don't know what else I can do.
Why tell all this? Well, that night was a crucial night for me. I think it was the culminating place where God's been leading me through all of this for the past year. He wants me to rest completely sure in my identity as a child of God. Believe what He says about me. And He says, "I am His child." (John 1:12). "I am free forever from condemnation." (Romans 8:1-2). "I can find grace and mercy in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16). "I am His workmanship." (Eph. 2:10)....To name just a very few. I am often tempted to believe what others' say about me. I'm tempted even more to believe the awful lies that Satan continually whispers to me. This is definitely an area of struggle for me. This for me, is another "head" issue. I get it intellectually, but I have a hard time transitioning it to my heart. I can even believe it about you, but I struggle to believe it for myself.
But I think that e-mail flipped a switch for me. I told her the truth in love and apologized for what I needed to. But I need not let this hurt or others inflicted upon me determine my identity. If God doesn't label me as such, then I must not let this become the reality on which I base my value. To do so, is to reject God. More specifically, it's to reject Jesus' work on the cross. He died to give me life.
The dark wilderness has been hard. HARD. But that's where God meets us to perform His greatest works. I don't think I'm out yet, but I'm pretty sure He's carrying me the distance.
But here's a confession. (The plan is that this will be therapeutic for me.) This last year, beginning in December of last year, has been the hardest of my life. And it wasn't the addition of a third child that brought this on. Gaby's arrival notched things up to an all-new level of busy, but not bad. I went through a personal devastation at the hands of someone I'm close to that sent my world spinning. I had a spiritual high during that first month, understanding things I never probably would have otherwise. (Like really getting that Jesus died to redeem us all. All the junk in our life. Nothing is beyond God. Nothing is beyond the cleansing blood of Jesus.) I knew that in my head, but don't think I'd been able to really process that in my heart. But most of the months that followed, have been the lowest for me emotionally and spiritually in my whole life. And every time I saw a glimmer of light and took one step forward, I felt like I was knocked back another 50. Not just the usual, one step forward, two back; but way, way back. Very hard, very draining. Exhausting. Frustrating. Confusing. Hard.
I've been reading a book called The Land Between. It's great and very much where I'm at and have been for the last year. I was able to sort of set my goal after reading the first couple chapters; to come out of this a better version of me. That's still my goal and I hope it always will be.
As I've gone through this, I have found myself wondering at times, am I under a spiritual attack or am I just complaining? Discontent with the pain, the disappointment, the feeling of being stuck. Am I rejecting God's will in my life by complaining? Ronnie has been a voice of reason and true love and help as I've walked through this darkness. (Like usual!) We've had some awesome conversations that have brought clarity to my head and heart. Last week, I was just beginning to see the tiniest glimmer of light. My heart felt a touch lighter. A tiny bit of relief from the heaviness. I was beginning to feel grateful; a little excited, a little bit more alive.
Then, on Saturday, I received an e-mail from a friend. This person has been a friend of mine for 15 years. This e-mail seemed to almost fall from the sky. I didn't expect this note at all. It said that I had dropped our friendship. That time and distance and busyness was no excuse for my behavior. "I just don't know what happened to you," she wrote. Wow. It really hurt. Felt like I was punched in the gut. Didn't see this coming at all. I immediately started questioning myself. Am I that person she described? I didn't feel like that person, but maybe. What about her responsibilities to the friendship? Deep down, I knew that what she said, that person she described, was not me.
Friendships do change with time and distance. Does that mean they need to end? Of course not. But I can't maintain a friendship with someone in the same way that I did in college when I didn't have a husband or children or a key role in a church ministry and the responsibilities that go with all of them. I did mess something up with her. I'm big enough to confess that and I apologized for it a while back. It appears my apology was not accepted and I don't know what else I can do.
Why tell all this? Well, that night was a crucial night for me. I think it was the culminating place where God's been leading me through all of this for the past year. He wants me to rest completely sure in my identity as a child of God. Believe what He says about me. And He says, "I am His child." (John 1:12). "I am free forever from condemnation." (Romans 8:1-2). "I can find grace and mercy in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16). "I am His workmanship." (Eph. 2:10)....To name just a very few. I am often tempted to believe what others' say about me. I'm tempted even more to believe the awful lies that Satan continually whispers to me. This is definitely an area of struggle for me. This for me, is another "head" issue. I get it intellectually, but I have a hard time transitioning it to my heart. I can even believe it about you, but I struggle to believe it for myself.
But I think that e-mail flipped a switch for me. I told her the truth in love and apologized for what I needed to. But I need not let this hurt or others inflicted upon me determine my identity. If God doesn't label me as such, then I must not let this become the reality on which I base my value. To do so, is to reject God. More specifically, it's to reject Jesus' work on the cross. He died to give me life.
The dark wilderness has been hard. HARD. But that's where God meets us to perform His greatest works. I don't think I'm out yet, but I'm pretty sure He's carrying me the distance.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
With a Grateful Heart....
I say a humble thank you to all the military men and women who serve us so sacrificially, including my husband. I thank you for your strength and courage; your wisdom and your plain hard work. I thank you for all the good you do in the world that often goes unreported, and even more often, goes unnoticed. He knows.
It's not always easy or fun being a military wife, but I am blessed and proud to "serve" in this role. Just the simple act of watching my husband and the other veterans who attend our church stand in acknowledgement on Sunday will bring tears to my eyes (like it does every year). This reminds me of how humbly proud I am.
Thanks too to all our friends who have been like family to us over the years as we've served side-by-side. It's been an honor. A hard honor at times, and other times, a whole lot of fun.
It's not always easy or fun being a military wife, but I am blessed and proud to "serve" in this role. Just the simple act of watching my husband and the other veterans who attend our church stand in acknowledgement on Sunday will bring tears to my eyes (like it does every year). This reminds me of how humbly proud I am.
Thanks too to all our friends who have been like family to us over the years as we've served side-by-side. It's been an honor. A hard honor at times, and other times, a whole lot of fun.
Friday, November 5, 2010
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