I have a desire to blog. I want to capture these days. I so admire those of you who are able to engage with your family and document it. I can't seem to do both. I had a beautiful time with the girls outside in the backyard last Wednesday. It was crazy warm, 70 degrees, and they were just having a ball. I didn't have my camera (like usual) and thought about stepping in to grab it, but I knew my little separation anxiety girl would be crawling after me crying and the simple beauty of the moment would be gone. So I remember the day, but it sure would have been lovely to have some photos.
Anyway, so many things are consuming my heart and mind these days. I'll admit, most of it is making me more sad than happy.
* My baby growing up. I know she's only almost 10 months. If you know me, you know I love tiny ones. Grieving that I won't experience the newness again. Putting/giving some of the baby things away is hard.
* Ronnie finishing up his Master's while working a very demanding job. Over it. Only a few more months, but that doesn't really help right now. I don't feel like we're managing our scarce family time well.
* A possible move this summer. We were only supposed to be here three years....that was up almost four years ago. Is it really going to happen? Ready for a change for a lot of reasons, but after living here for nearly seven years, it's hard to think of leaving our church, friends, and even our home (though we've outgrown it). We've brought three babes home to this place. Heard last week at a seminar about "grieving the good." We will need to do that....if we really get orders. I have trouble too living in this "tweener" spot. Starting to feel just a slight bit disconnected from here, but also, without orders, hard to plan for "tomorrow".
* Navigating rest/recovery time for myself. I really struggle with caring for myself.
What I am grateful for:
* My baby who's waving and saying three sweet words--hi, Mama, and Dada
* Gaby--just a ridiculously fun two year-old
* Thomas--just beating to his own drum. He reminds me to be patient and that it's okay to be different.
* Clay--great, great, great big brother and son
* Ronnie--he loves me no matter what, even after seeing the worst in me
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