All You Need Is Love

I have been gone so long!  Of course, it's a busy time of year, but that's not why I've been away.  Don't want to get all dramatic, but several weeks back, I got a migraine.  I've been having these ocular migraines since September, but they're mostly annoying, usually not painful, and not debilitating.  This one was different.  It was the big one.  I had one like this about 18 months ago, and thankfully, not again since until that fateful Monday a few weeks ago.  Had the flashes (much bigger and brighter than the ocular migraines), and thought, I hope this isn't the start of a big one.  Yep.  Within a couple hours, I was stuck on the powder room floor, unable to even move my head side to side without vomiting.  (Sorry.)  I waited as long as I possibly could before calling Ronnie at work, almost out of a flight.  I knew I couldn't get the girls who had been napping, and obviously, there would be no driving to pick up the boys.  

Fast forward, that stinkin' migraine had a hold of me for five days.  It stayed put through three trips to the doctor, countless meds, oxygen, and didn't let go until I was pumped full of narcotics, pain killers, and anti-nausea medication.  And I don't do well with narcotics, so for the next 24 hours, practically still felt like I had a migraine because of the drug effects.  (I could never ever be a druggie!)  

Anyway, it was awful.  Think that may have been the sickest I have ever been in my life.  Brought in some doubts and fears.  Spiritual attack?  Probably, another back story that predates this migraine by about two weeks that I'll keep to myself, but being knocked out physically seemed a fitting follow-on attack.  But here's what I want to remember as I try desperately to focus on the positive and wait to see the neurologist.

*  So grateful that Ronnie was able to rescue me and be everything to this family for six long days.

*  When I was finally able to eat about 8:00 on Monday night, Clayton brought me not only a slice of pizza that Ronnie had ordered for dinner, but....a slice of pizza on a plate, on a tray, with a napkin, and a spoon.  A spoon?  For pizza?  No, he'd put a little applesauce cup up in the corner of the tray too.  So dang precious.

*  While I'm stuck on the bathroom floor downstairs waiting for Ronnie, praying desperately that neither of the girls will start screaming/crying for me when they wake, I hear Gaby singing over the monitor, "Oh, how I love my Lena Grace."  (I always end up making up some little lovey song for my babes and that is hers.) 

*  And this picture that Thomas drew at school and brought home.  It's a lizard (his current favorite thing).  The words, melt my heart.  Even as an adult, when you're sick, seems all you need is love. 

It's been a tough couple years for me in some ways.  A lot of physical and emotional pain.  But to quote "Facing the Giants" which we watched with Clayton this weekend, "When we win, we're gonna praise Him, and when we lose, we're gonna praise Him."  I know God does not waste our pain and though I don't know His reasons, I trust they are good and I pray He will be glorified.

Good, Good, Good

I've read so many good things lately.  Today's goodie, to always be mindful of....

Let me say I am here
1.  By God's appointment,
2.  In His keeping,
3.  Under His training,
4.  For His time.

So if you find yourself in a difficult spot, remember (the above).  And all evidence to the contrary, there's no better place to be.  The same God who led you in, will lead you out.

From The Red Sea Rules by Robert J. Morgan

Fall Festivities

It's been a fun week plus with several fall activities with the kids.  We didn't go trick-or-treating tonight as we've kind of had our fill of candy.  (It's dangerous for me to have too much in the house!)  Thomas had a trunk-or-treat event at his school several days ago.  We attended the fall carnival at Clay's school last week and our church carnival on Friday night.  And the boys both had Halloween parties and costume parades at school today.  I'm sure we're considered party-pooper parents, but we had our own kind of quiet fun this evening.  We stayed in and carved pumpkins, ate a late-ish dinner, played with glow sticks, and ate ice cream.  

But....so you can see proof that some fun was had around here....

There was a pretty flower,

Luke Skywalker,

and a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader (I know, I know, my family is cringing!  But she is cute, huh?!)

Heading home after King's Faire at our church.

Clayton carved his own pumpkin this year.  I love it!

Thomas drew and I carved.  It had to be scary. :)

Oh, and there may have been some epic battles between good and evil.

Lots o' fun!

Simplifying

I've been working really hard to reduce my stress level.  That, in and of itself, sounds funny.  It's weird how the things you think make sense, and then you write them down and they seem to take on a whole different meaning.   I mean, working hard to reduce stress??  But it's true.  And it's working for me.  Little changes on the outside have lead to big changes on the inside.  I want to remember these things because I'm sure I'll need a refresher someday (probably sooner rather than later, knowing myself.)

Funny....we're so stubborn.  All these things, every.single.one, is already in God's design.  And yet....it wasn't 'til life was completely stressing me out and I was having what has been diagnosed as ocular migraines that I did anything about it.  Ugh.  I am my own worst enemy.

So my "destress" prescription:

*  Pray first thing upon waking in the morning.  I am always so tired in the morning.  No matter how well or long I slept during the night, I never want to get out of bed.  And if I'm awakened by kids who woke too early, it gets really ugly in my head and I start jumping to all sorts of conclusions about what kind of day it will be.  (Most of them don't come true as you can imagine!)  So I've been praying about my attitude first thing in the morning and it has done wonders.  Still not a lot of pep in my step, but my attitude is so much better.

*  Concern myself only with what needs to get done today.  I can worry so well!  But it is futile and spikes the stress meter.  So I look at my calendar and take care of only those things that must get done today.  Some days that means planning for things later in the week, but certainly, not everything must be done today.  That whole scripture "Don't worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will have enough troubles of its own....," yeah, it's true.  This has probably been my biggest change and the one I'm feeling the greatest effects from.

*  Exercise.  Video at home, jogging, swimming at the Y, whatever, do something most days of the week.  Good for the body and the mind.  (And Gaby's really cute imitating Jillian Michaels!  Just a side benefit!)

*  Say "no" sometimes, probably more often than you say "yes."  We have taken the whole month off of all our extracurriculars.  Everything.  We truly are not an over scheduled/over committed family, but we intentionally did not participate in anything this month (even the things we love), and it felt so good.  Ronnie and I have gone on three dates this month, we've spent a lot more time together as a family doing fun things, and more one-on-one time with each of the boys.  It's been sweet and cathartic.  I feel ready to start the flag football season tomorrow with Ronnie as coach.  I don't think I could have/would have said that at the end of September.

*  Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy.  Sabbath=rest=good for everyone in the house.  Everyone.  I am not busier than God.  I am not too busy to obey His commands.  Oh, and it might just be good for me too.

*  Remember, it's OK to rest during the week too.  In fact, do it as often as you can.

That's pretty much it.  I know, not rocket science.  All God-designed.  Clearly, it takes me a while!  Thankfully, He's very patient!

Had a bit of a stressful afternoon/evening yesterday and continued into this morning and it's funny how quickly those migraines start firing.  I had to be very intentional  about slowing down, taking things off my agenda since T was unexpectedly staying home from school this morning.  But....I was able to regroup without getting worried and salty and keep "the main thing the main thing."  Mothering (parenting) well is intentional.

I could write some more, but it would probably just been further rambling at this point, and all three kiddos at home are quiet, so I am going to go REST!

I have tons of cute pictures of my favorite people that I haven't made time to upload lately.  I hope to share them soon. :)

Flashback

Found this photo last night.  Think it's from Spring 2009.  Love it.

Love these two guys.

1/2

My babe is six months old today!

It's been a bittersweet day for me.  Love this little one to pieces.  Seriously, could not love her any more.  She fills my days with tons of joy.  It just exudes from her.  She is always happy.  I mean, she does have five people who just completely dote on her, so what she would have to be unhappy about is anyone's guess, but still!

Treasure watching her personality evolve and everyday that she becomes more and more engaging is exciting.    Love hearing her discover and experiment with her voice.  Love how her eyes sparkle.  Love watching her suck on her adorable toes.  Love how she plays with her toys.  Love watching her roll all.over.the.place.  Love how beautiful and cute she is at the same time.  Love how she sucks her two middle fingers on her right hand.  Love how she rolls up on her side in her crib when she's really tired and ready to sleep immediately.  Love the dimple in her right cheek.  Love how she smiles, smiles, smiles at everyone, especially her bigs.

But....I'm having a hard time accepting that she's half-way to one already.  I mean, really?!  Memories of her birth have been flooding my mind today.  (Even cried watching DVR'd Parenthood this afternoon.  I love that show by the way!)  Such a special day.  I love childbirth (I know, I know), but man, there's just no other way to slice it; that is a true miracle unfolding right before your eyes.  So amazing.  So to really ponder never experiencing that again, little hard for me.  Getting off topic....

Celebrating one amazing little life today.  My Elena Grace is six months old!  Love everything about you, little girl.  And in another miracle of life and love, love you more today than the day you were born.  Happy half birthday.

Persistence and Victories (Part 2)....Finally!

So....to finally finish that post I started um....last week, I think.  It was long enough ago that I don't remember for sure.  Next time, I'll just wait to post anything.  Think that's a better idea.  And this will probably be the short version because I'm having eyesight issues and reading/writing anything these days makes me dizzy and woozy.  (ALWAYS something with me!)

OK....here we go....parenting is tough.  So much work and sometimes, so little payoff.  But I had one of those moments a couple weeks ago, when I remembered why we persist.  Thomas had a rough Friday at school, several weeks back now.  I think it was at the end of the second full week, maybe the third.  Anyway, the following Monday, I asked him if he wanted to pray before he got out of the van.  He said, "Yes," and then proceeded to take my hand and Gaby's (love that!)  Clayton turned around from the from seat and held Gaby's hand too, and put his arm around Thomas.  (I hope you're getting the visual because that in and of itself, was a beautiful picture to this Mama!)

Fast forward....we've prayed everyday since.  Every morning before Thomas climbs out of the van, we pray.  Sometimes he holds my hand and Gaby's, sometimes mine and Elena's, or my favorite--Gaby's and Elena's.  It's really too sweet.  He always starts us off, "Dear Jesus, We thank you for this day...."  Then, I pray our "special" prayer (whatever God has laid on my heart that morning.)  I mean, if in all the chaos and hard stuff there is one shining moment that I will carry with me always, it's likely this.  Seeing all my babies holding hands and praying....inside the minivan.  It's just plain cool.

My real victory in all of this (BESIDES that my children are learning to pray and even pray together), is that last year, before I'd drop Clayton at school, I'd often feel the nudge to pray for him.  I should correct that, pray with him, before he got out of the van.  It was apparent that I was inconveniencing him most mornings.  He wanted to hurry to the playground to get in a few rounds of fun before school.  I didn't pray every morning, just when I felt prompted.  One day, I think we even sort of had an argument about it.  I remember telling Ronnie about it when he got home and asking him if he thought I was doing the wrong thing since it was so clearly annoying Clay.  I told Ronnie that I really felt like I was doing it out of obedience to the Spirit's prompting, so I kind of didn't care that Clay was annoyed.  :)  I don't remember exactly how Ronnie responded to be honest.  Guess it doesn't really matter.  There's not a whole lot of "righteous" arguing with the Spirit anyway!   All that to say, Clayton asked me to pray for him before he got out of the van when we pulled up at school!  This for me was a huge victory.  A huge lesson in planting seeds (even when my kids don't want me to plant.)  I was thrilled.  I love to pray for my children and I'm learning to be more diligent about doing so, but it was a completely new feeling of joy to be asked by Clayton to pray for him.  The timeline is getting messy in my head, but it was only a few days after we started praying together at T's school at his drop-off.

Another piece of this that I love--when we pull up to T's school every morning and he starts the climb forward from the back seat, Gab immediately sticks out her hands and says, "Pay!"  (Typing that seems funny!  Maybe she's been asking for money this whole time!  I thought she was just missing the "r"!)  I'm going with the "r" thing, :) and I love that my barely two year-old has a seed of prayer sown in her heart.

So the lesson to myself and encouragement to others is:  keep on keepin' on.  When you see no fruit, keep on.  When it's hard, keep on.  When it seems like this will never pay off, keep on.  When you make your kids mad, keep on.  It will require strength and determination, but keep on, good and faithful servant.  God honors our diligence and persistence when it comes to raising our children in ways that glorify Him.  I will always point my kids to Christ.  And prayerfully, I will rejoice at the times of seeing the fruit because it is so so sweet.